There has been a proliferation in the number of youtube videos today talking about people’s nostalgia for the masculine man. “Where are the real men? ” or “Men today are way too feminine”, etc.
There seems to be longing for the post World War II men in the 1950s. Men had just fought in the World war and have returned back to their household. The men took care of the family, earned a living and the woman did the household chores. Men were supposed to behave a certain way and women were supposed to behave a certain way. After the Civil rights era, styles became way more casual, and people had way liberty to choose how they wanted to present themselves. More women climbed the corporate ladder, and there was a decline in the traditional landscape of the western world.
In today’s world, there have been so many different fashion movements that have revolutionized the society. Everyone is free to express themselves the way they want to. Even amongst, cis men and women, cross dressing and men embracing a certain degree of femininity could be seen. However, there is always this fear of being ridiculed by friends and family. For heterosexual man who embraces his feminine side, there is also this fear of losing out in the dating scene where people believe that tall, muscular bearded wearing a flannel shirt would be preferred.
The truth however is far from this. I have always loved style, florals, bright bold colors, and colors many men stay away from. I love having tea and decorating my house with bone china. I love felines too. All these are bracketed under a ‘feminine’ category by some people. I however beg to differ.
To me, masculinity and femininity are energy levels. Apart from physical differences that exist in human genitalia and sexual organs that define a man and a woman, there are other things that constitute masculine and feminine energies. Whether it is a heterosexual couple, a lesbian or gay couple, there is always a certain degree of masculine and feminine polarity. Masculine energy would be defined by the ‘drive to achieve certain things in life’, ‘the willingness to invent or compose something’, ‘the need to protect oneself and family from intruders’. Feminine energy could be defined as ‘the need to nurture’, self care and caring for the society’, ‘the need to form meaningful relationships’ , ‘the desire to infuse love into human relationships’, etc. As such, everyone possesses a certain degree of both energies. Denying it, will lead to loads of issues in one’s emotional health.
As a straight man, I used to hide the things about myself that were considered ‘effeminate’ so that women could perceive me as ‘masculine’. I watched tonnes of YouTube videos on how to be more manly and dateable. I went on dates but I couldn’t be my authentic self.
Then, the pandemic hit and I was stuck at home. I just wanted to get in touch with who I am- I love tea, clothing, traditional western decor, English styles and I decided to embrace them and read more about them. I learn about their history- the good , bad and ugly. I opened up Tea with Adi on Instagram under the moniker ‘Earl of Lavenders’ and I have been having my own tea parties at home- something that is considered feminine for a straight heterosexual man. Ever since this happened, I have made more friends, more connections, and have cultivated a meaningful romantic relationship.
Being your own authentic self is the key to succeeding in personal relationships. Putting up a pretense is not. That’s the motto of ‘Tea with Adi’
Cheers and have a great day ahead,
The Earl of Lavenders.
The Earl of Lavenders' Tea Parties 